he loves me
he loves me not
played my position
until my position played me
sidelined
only ho's know the game and still participate
they say its easy
but I shouldn't be
...living foul on purpose
but I was chosen
got so many tricks up my sleeve
they say its like magic
the way I make them disappear when I crossover
only when they stay do I get nervous
...begin asking questions like...
"what do you want from me"
then they wonder
"well, what you got to give?"
I've already given myself away
but I thought I had to ask
we don't become housewives
we get promoted
no longer pawning
no longer rooks
finding our own players
to play their position
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Hotlanta [Part 3]
Hotlanta [The Conclusion: 3rd Person makes 3 a crowd]
This morning I left an offering of fresh honey for Oshun, burned sage, then asked my ancestors for guidance and forgiveness. Tonight I’m picking up my clothing off of the floor after having sex with a married man in his office, a married man whose child I am now carrying within my womb. I wanted to tell him at dinner that this would be our last night, that there would no longer be any more lovemaking continuing on between us. I wanted to tell him that now, we are having a child together, but I didn’t.
Richard has always been a charismatic brother. As soon as I entered his office it was almost as if he could sense my distance. He pulled me close and held me tight kissing me gently all over my face…and I sailed away into his arms on uncontrollable waves of emotion. He pressed up against me and I could feel the bulge in his pants. His tongue was wet and strong; he nibbled on my chin and put his hand deep into my panties from underneath my skirt. I was his once more.
He loves me. I know he does. He’s just in a sticky situation.
When we bumped into each other at the High Museum of Art a year ago, we caught eyes when the young lady giving the tour mistakenly presented an African tribal mask for Igbo when it was really Edo. Until that moment, I hadn’t noticed him. How could we have come this far? We smiled and secretly spared the young lady the embarrassment. Richard used that as a means to open up conversation and after telling him I was an art consultant, he bought a number of pieces from me. I managed to maintain a strict, business relationship with him…for a while.
Richard pursued me hard and after hours of conversation and lunch dates, I realized how attractive he was as well as intelligent. I slowly forgot about the wife he had tucked away and the ex husband who left me after refusing to continue hiding behind his best friend who happened to be his gay lover.
A lot of women have a name for people like me, home wrecker, whore, hussy, ho. I would have never imagined that I would find myself in this position, in love and pregnant with a married man’s child, but I’d rather be in this position than the one his wife’s playing ever again.
“Looks like it's raining again, maybe the restaurant won’t be so crowded tonight.” I make small talk as I watch the rain drops trickle down the windows of Richard’s truck. He’s speeding. I know he’s in a hurry to get home, but right now he is with me and if he wanted to be with her, he would be.
“Yup”, he says looking out irritated and sullen.
“You know, we have some things to discuss, some very important things.”
“Like what Teresa, I mean really, don’t start this shit tonight. I have too much on my mind. What is it?”
I just look at him. We’re at a red light 4 blocks from our destination. My stomach twirls and all I can think of is my sudden urge to slap him across his face. My urge becomes reality before I have a chance to think; my hand is stinging. He doesn’t move an inch. The look on his face is like one I’ve never seen. His eyes are locked into the rear view mirror. Maybe he's looking around to see if anyone will see what he will do to me. I brace myself for his blow. But instead I feel the cold steel pressed against my temple.
“We’re going to the hotel, the one you two are in love with so much. Richard, the light is green and we don’t need any police showing up. Drive this fucking car!”
Terry slowly pulls the gun down and points it towards my rib cage. I recognize her from the photographs on Richard’s desk. The smell of alcohol is heavy. She’s drunk. I want to speak but cannot form the words. I look at Richard and nothing. He’s just as puzzled as I am. My heart is falling out of my chest. My baby. What about my baby?
“Terry…….”
“Shut the fuck up Richard!” She cuts him off. “You son of a bitch! You think I didn’t know? I knew. Today is our anniversary Richard.” She laughs. Richard and I look at each other. “Oh my God, you are so sure of yourself that not even our wedding anniversary could bring your black ass home!”
“Terry, I am so sorry, but what are you going to do with that gun? You can’t do this. You can’t act like this. We should just go home and I can take care of you. We can sort all of this out.” Richard looks scared which only makes me more afraid. I’ve never seen him shake.
We turn into the parking lot of the hotel. Richard accidentally hops the curb. Terry is dressed in lingerie. Her mascara is running along the side of her left cheek. She just shakes her head.
“No…no…no…What are you looking at?" She looks into my eyes, lips trembling. "Teresa isn’t it?” Terry's voice sounds psychotic.
“Yes.” She knows my name.
“Here’s the deal. You and I are going to walk in. When I smile at you, you smile back. Richard, I already booked reservations, so they are expecting us.” Terry motions us to exit the truck and make our way into the building. The lobby is empty. I recognize the concierge and the look on his face is amazement.
“Um…Mr. & Mrs. Anderson…” He stutters. He can sense our discomfort.
Terry pulls me slightly and smiles, I smile back at her as told. I want to scream. But I can’t move. Her gun is pressing into my side from underneath her coat. We’re standing side by side, her right arm interlocking with my left.
“In the flesh.” Terry winks at the concierge who is obviously clueless as to why me (the mistress), wife and husband are all standing before him entering the hotel.
“Gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you. Richard and I haven’t been in our special room in quite some time. Do you have our key?”
He fumbles from behind the large desk standing to his feet and presents Richard with a key to the Jezebel Penthouse Suite. Richard has never taken me to this suite. I’ve never heard of it before.
“Thank you. Would you mind bringing up a bottle of Merlot within the next 30 minutes please?” Richard's voice cracks as he makes an attempt to leave the young man behind the counter a hint that we’re in danger.
“Sure…I…” The concierge is interrupted.
“We won’t need anything. Honey, we just drank a bottle of champagne, sweetie…we’re fine. We’ll be retiring soon, no need.” She motions the gentlemen whose name tag I now read as Jason to "shoo" and we head towards the elevator. When the doors open, my first instinct is to run or pull the alarm and close the elevator doors behind me. Instead I walk out with her.
The room is beautiful. I almost want to gasp but I’m in fear. Richard walks in behind me with Terry following close behind, gun drawn.
“Terry, what is all of this for? Why?” Richard sounds sincere.
“I want to see what’s so special about her and then I will let you go.” Terry sits down in one of the many plush chairs facing the waterfall encased screen that surrounds the bear claw bath tub. “Run the water Richard. I want the two of you to undress.”
This morning I left an offering of fresh honey for Oshun, burned sage, then asked my ancestors for guidance and forgiveness. Tonight I’m picking up my clothing off of the floor after having sex with a married man in his office, a married man whose child I am now carrying within my womb. I wanted to tell him at dinner that this would be our last night, that there would no longer be any more lovemaking continuing on between us. I wanted to tell him that now, we are having a child together, but I didn’t.
Richard has always been a charismatic brother. As soon as I entered his office it was almost as if he could sense my distance. He pulled me close and held me tight kissing me gently all over my face…and I sailed away into his arms on uncontrollable waves of emotion. He pressed up against me and I could feel the bulge in his pants. His tongue was wet and strong; he nibbled on my chin and put his hand deep into my panties from underneath my skirt. I was his once more.
He loves me. I know he does. He’s just in a sticky situation.
When we bumped into each other at the High Museum of Art a year ago, we caught eyes when the young lady giving the tour mistakenly presented an African tribal mask for Igbo when it was really Edo. Until that moment, I hadn’t noticed him. How could we have come this far? We smiled and secretly spared the young lady the embarrassment. Richard used that as a means to open up conversation and after telling him I was an art consultant, he bought a number of pieces from me. I managed to maintain a strict, business relationship with him…for a while.
Richard pursued me hard and after hours of conversation and lunch dates, I realized how attractive he was as well as intelligent. I slowly forgot about the wife he had tucked away and the ex husband who left me after refusing to continue hiding behind his best friend who happened to be his gay lover.
A lot of women have a name for people like me, home wrecker, whore, hussy, ho. I would have never imagined that I would find myself in this position, in love and pregnant with a married man’s child, but I’d rather be in this position than the one his wife’s playing ever again.
“Looks like it's raining again, maybe the restaurant won’t be so crowded tonight.” I make small talk as I watch the rain drops trickle down the windows of Richard’s truck. He’s speeding. I know he’s in a hurry to get home, but right now he is with me and if he wanted to be with her, he would be.
“Yup”, he says looking out irritated and sullen.
“You know, we have some things to discuss, some very important things.”
“Like what Teresa, I mean really, don’t start this shit tonight. I have too much on my mind. What is it?”
I just look at him. We’re at a red light 4 blocks from our destination. My stomach twirls and all I can think of is my sudden urge to slap him across his face. My urge becomes reality before I have a chance to think; my hand is stinging. He doesn’t move an inch. The look on his face is like one I’ve never seen. His eyes are locked into the rear view mirror. Maybe he's looking around to see if anyone will see what he will do to me. I brace myself for his blow. But instead I feel the cold steel pressed against my temple.
“We’re going to the hotel, the one you two are in love with so much. Richard, the light is green and we don’t need any police showing up. Drive this fucking car!”
Terry slowly pulls the gun down and points it towards my rib cage. I recognize her from the photographs on Richard’s desk. The smell of alcohol is heavy. She’s drunk. I want to speak but cannot form the words. I look at Richard and nothing. He’s just as puzzled as I am. My heart is falling out of my chest. My baby. What about my baby?
“Terry…….”
“Shut the fuck up Richard!” She cuts him off. “You son of a bitch! You think I didn’t know? I knew. Today is our anniversary Richard.” She laughs. Richard and I look at each other. “Oh my God, you are so sure of yourself that not even our wedding anniversary could bring your black ass home!”
“Terry, I am so sorry, but what are you going to do with that gun? You can’t do this. You can’t act like this. We should just go home and I can take care of you. We can sort all of this out.” Richard looks scared which only makes me more afraid. I’ve never seen him shake.
We turn into the parking lot of the hotel. Richard accidentally hops the curb. Terry is dressed in lingerie. Her mascara is running along the side of her left cheek. She just shakes her head.
“No…no…no…What are you looking at?" She looks into my eyes, lips trembling. "Teresa isn’t it?” Terry's voice sounds psychotic.
“Yes.” She knows my name.
“Here’s the deal. You and I are going to walk in. When I smile at you, you smile back. Richard, I already booked reservations, so they are expecting us.” Terry motions us to exit the truck and make our way into the building. The lobby is empty. I recognize the concierge and the look on his face is amazement.
“Um…Mr. & Mrs. Anderson…” He stutters. He can sense our discomfort.
Terry pulls me slightly and smiles, I smile back at her as told. I want to scream. But I can’t move. Her gun is pressing into my side from underneath her coat. We’re standing side by side, her right arm interlocking with my left.
“In the flesh.” Terry winks at the concierge who is obviously clueless as to why me (the mistress), wife and husband are all standing before him entering the hotel.
“Gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you. Richard and I haven’t been in our special room in quite some time. Do you have our key?”
He fumbles from behind the large desk standing to his feet and presents Richard with a key to the Jezebel Penthouse Suite. Richard has never taken me to this suite. I’ve never heard of it before.
“Thank you. Would you mind bringing up a bottle of Merlot within the next 30 minutes please?” Richard's voice cracks as he makes an attempt to leave the young man behind the counter a hint that we’re in danger.
“Sure…I…” The concierge is interrupted.
“We won’t need anything. Honey, we just drank a bottle of champagne, sweetie…we’re fine. We’ll be retiring soon, no need.” She motions the gentlemen whose name tag I now read as Jason to "shoo" and we head towards the elevator. When the doors open, my first instinct is to run or pull the alarm and close the elevator doors behind me. Instead I walk out with her.
The room is beautiful. I almost want to gasp but I’m in fear. Richard walks in behind me with Terry following close behind, gun drawn.
“Terry, what is all of this for? Why?” Richard sounds sincere.
“I want to see what’s so special about her and then I will let you go.” Terry sits down in one of the many plush chairs facing the waterfall encased screen that surrounds the bear claw bath tub. “Run the water Richard. I want the two of you to undress.”
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