Seventy percent of anything is usually a good thing, but according to statistics done last year, 70% of Black women in America are single. I'm not exactly sure who did the study, who was studied, if the participants in the study had any particular issues which would make them "un-dateable" (I know that's not a word because Mozilla says so) such as schizophrenia, tourette syndrome, or hell I don't know...bad credit? However, it's safe to say that I know more sisters who have never been married, who are single, single mothers, etc. than I do of any other race.
Myself included--->
Aaaaawh, so cuuuuute...I'll never tell you all of the horrible things which have led to my "singleness"...until I have you under lock and key...(I mean that IS usually how these "sane" women get a man right?)...moving right along...
I really hate statistics by the way.
With all of that said, I really wonder why ABC has yet to give more sisters a chance at love with a beautiful, Black, chocolate, sexy, ripped, rich...eh em...excuse me...Why hasn't there been a Black Bachelor? In the meantime, we've seen Black women depicted as groupies fighting for the chance to date celebrities on these ridiculously cliched and stereotypical shows such as Flavor of Love, Real Chance at Love and now, For the Love of Ray J. They (the "contestants") literally cry real tears over men they've idealized or is it simply the idealization of love in and of itself? Is the only thing VH1 and MTV have to offer are Brothers who entertain, dance a jig, have sex tapes, or act a fool for a living? While the Bachelor on the other hand extends top notch gentlemen who either run their own businesses, are college educated, etc...(Not that being college educated and running your own business makes someone better) The overall image of the Black man in the media is being portrayed as someone who has no ambition and is incapable of loving someone seriously. Out of 13 bachelors, one of them was a football player and one was an actor. Everyone knows the Bachelor holds more credibility as a show that really seeks to put people together who are actually looking for love but these other shows are simply sad ideas in the minds of thirsty writers and producers looking for ratings and a paycheck.
After these men are done dragging women through the mud, they are lucky to have their own mudslinging show (I love New York) or be a part of the I Love Money humiliation. I have yet to see a spin off of the Bachelor which involved the former contestants rolling around in mud, spitting, running on an obstacle course like a hamster, etc. for a chance to win money. Flav revealed his marriage to a White woman he was seeing in real life after it was all said and done and didn't bother taking on a relationship with any of them. For the most part, they all begin and end the same way.
But, (for the sake of balance) perhaps the television shows represent the statistics and the reasoning. Maybe the majority of sisters who are single are single because of poor choices in men. Ooooooh...was my former boss right? Does the choices we make in a partner reflect our own state of mind? (Still she had no right to make assumptions, but with statistics like those...). I hate to say it, but I definitely think we often attract to ourselves that which we possess. When we want better, we do better and some of us just don't know any better.
Well, that's neither here nor there...I think there needs to be a positive image of Black men represented in terms of love interests on television. I'm hoping that one day there would be a Black Bachelor or even a respectable television show representing middle class Black America in a more positive light. So I'll be waiting on my prince charming, even if it is vicariously through the lives of others...but as in reality...
I won't hold my breath.
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12 people in a black girls thoughts:
I noticed you said you "hated" statistics. You have a good point.
While it is true that 70% of African American women are single that DOESN'T mean that there are no black men in their lives. When you fill out a survey they usually ask three questions: are you married, single, or divorced? rarely do they say "are you seeing someone, dating, or in a monogamous relationship?
my oldest son is by a different woman. While his mother is single, her LEGAL status does not imply that she is dating (which she is). it also does not say that I AM NOT in my son's life because I AM.
So when i hear 70%, i am thinking, well how many of them are dating or in a relationship. and just because they are not married with children doesn't mean homeboy isn't around.
While i know BOTH black men and women who are NOT married, I know plenty of them who are in their children's lives.
Wow, what a social/cultural can of worms that one is.
yep, i stopped holding my breath a long time ago. btw: your second to last full paragraph...dead on.
i also responded to your comment on my blog post at Nickel for a Thought. you have an intersting blog here. i'll have to keep track of some of your posts.
great topic
that many black women are single because black women are more likely to end a relationship with a black man because they already have a lot of stress in their lives
black women go throught a lot of stress on a daya to day basis (especially if they have kids)
and because most black men do not know how to treat a woman or dont even know how a black woman thinks the woman in most cases is not going to hang with a brother like that (i dont blame her)
once the black man starts to earn enough money to take care of his woman and children by himself then we will see more married black couples
@ Brother Omi...I agree, statistics tend to be one dimensional and can wax and wane according to the omission of important facts...
@Sagacious Hillbilly...so true...wise decision to tiptoe out of here ;)
@Nickleforathought...your blogs are incredible and your writing skills...wow...so coming from you that is a compliment...
@James Tubman...a lot of the things you've stated only add to negative stereotypes in regards to how "Black woman" think and feel collectively towards Black men, I'm hoping you are being sarcastic...
Man, your blogs are always on point! Why isn't there a Black bachelor? Why do we see Black women depicted as loud-mouthed, trashy females on MTV or BET? Okay, those are rhetorical questions.
I actually agree somewhat with James Tubman's last statement. However, how do we explain the Black men who become wealthy and they marry the white girl?
in all of my interactions with the black women i see the same patterns
nobody is blaming the black woman for having this hateful stance towars the black man
i just dont think we should ignore it
even if i am dead wrong (which im not) i think we should have an open and honest discussion on why black men and black women hate each other so much
i thought we were talking about this post lol
ps a lot of the books you like i like too
we have more in common than you know
@James Tubman...again, your statements about Black women are suggestive and push us all into a corner. We are not all stressed out and thus incapable of multi-tasking every day life issues with having a relationship. All Black women do not hate Black men. You also suggest that Black men are struggling and broke.
The Black women and men who hate each other have a problem which is called "self love".
Don't you understand that every time you attach those words together they suggest that psychologically you hate being Black?
Take the word "Black" out of the scenario when you speak of relationships between men and women hating one another and what do you have? You will finally have understanding...
if you want to talk about the problems which can keep Black people (specifically) from engaging in healthy relationships, you have to reduce it to smaller things rather than just "Blackness" and "hatred". There are many sociological issues, psychological issues which make relationships harder to succeed than others and they aren't isolated and solely prevalent within the realm of Black life. Other races of people have within them people who are poor, impoverished, insensitive to the opposite sex and unsuccessful thus, having relationships that do not work but they never attribute that problem towards their Whiteness, Arab descent, Mexican descent, etc. Within us exists the only people who blame their lack of success on being Black as if Black is incapable of love and light and power.
James Tubman, what hateful stance are you talking about regarding Black men? I know for a fact that Black women do NOT hate Black men. We love our Black men but we hate the circumstances that they as well as all Black people have been put in.
@Geeky Black Girl...I am truly growing tired of the men who have issues with women, lack of understanding of what a real woman is, and feelings of rejection on the suspicion that within us lies an "imaginary illness" that all "Black" women allegedly have called hatred for the Black man.
let me inside your thoughts