it's not where u from...

but where you at.

This is the chic right
here that I had to kill to get free.

"Your eyes are blue, but you ain't White...your hair is straight cause...you pressed it last night..."

Yeah, that was "Moet" me 11 years ago...(you ain't a true Chicagoan if you don't have a picture at the "Fiddy" ---50 Yard Line) <---and that's the "Old" Fiddy...(Now closed) I wasn't even old enough to get in with my REAL id... I've been through more trials and tribulations than anyone can imagine. The rabbit hole is deep. It's been really difficult for me to address the issues of my life in first person. I guess that's why it's been easier to tell my life through stories, adding a little fantasy here and there, changing negatives into positives and changing the end each time. The last story I wrote "Sugar Free" was much more difficult to write (had to put the blog on pause for a minute) because I found myself back in a place that was very much real, with memories I thought I had long forgotten. So, I've decided to make Sugar Free into a novel. I know I have much more work to do in terms of becoming a writer. I just have a story inside of me that is so humongous that it can't be reduced to mini fragments.

Speaking of :escapism: Delilah's (titty bar/trashfest/whorehouse) was a place ::one of them:: where I could escape the problems I had growing up with a single mother who was plain and simply, just...tired. By the time I was "graduating" a.k.a. "leaving" High School, Mom's was 47, married twice, lost her mother, her aunt ("she was the only one I had left" is what she said after her passing), barely knew her father, was abused by my father, had 3 children at the ages of 15, 16 & 30, while separated from my father, became a widow and was now dealing with her own physical hell: the onset of diabetes and hypertension. Raising me into a "proper young lady" took more time and effort than she was willing to endure besides, she was busying herself with her own means of escape (which I will not disclose here). I remember when the movie "The Players Club" came out, every chic in the neighborhood ::without good sense or knowledge of self worth:: wanted to be Diamond or Ronnie...The entertainment industry tells the stories but these stories are glamorized and illuminated to the tenth power. Every story doesn't end like Diamonds...the chances of strippers turning into news anchors or lawyers...are slim...

Random guy: "So, what are you studying?"
Me: "Criminal Justice, I want to become a Lawyer"
Random guy: *Chuckle* "Yeah, it's possible, but highly unlikely..."

Coming into myself took a lot of inner battles, soul searching and self discovery and it's still a journey unraveling what's inside of me, the good...the great even. We live in a society, a world that will chew you up and spit you out with no regard of your feelings. Feelings?

Healing takes time...it takes introspection and a lot of patience...but you've got to be willing to do the "dirty work"...



"Sugar Free"