losing my religion.

How it happened...

Over the past 10 years, I've found myself on an in-depth quest for God.  This quest led me through Christianity, Islam, Judaism, the study of ancient texts such as the Apocrypha, the Book of Enoch, The Lost Books of Eden, Ifa, etc.  I got caught up in names.  The words: Lord and God weren't to be used but were misplaced with Yah and Yahweh, El and Elohim and the word Jesus wasn't to be uttered at all...that was blasphemy!  "There was no letter "J" prior to the 1600's...therefore the messiah's name was Yahshua!"  I would debate with people, argue up and down my way of life and feel as if God granted me some high authority to hurt feelings and destroy the image of God in the minds of others.  I wanted to know God, get as close to Him/Her as possible.  But as I've grown older, I wish I hadn't bitten that forbidden fruit.  There is something that I miss about being oblivious to the so called "knowledge" or "proof" of God's existence in all things, all religions and every path...the innoncence, the actual "belief" in things unseen, the discipline and most of all the...

Faith:

"Faith is in general the persuasion of the mind that a certain statement is true. It is the belief and the assent of the mind to the truth of what is declared by another, based on his or her authority and truthfulness."

I believe in God.  The force that prevented me from flying through the windshield during a car accident that could have taken my life and my mother's as well...is with me.  Some people call it "luck"but even I know better.  We flipped over 3 times and after getting out of the car and realizing it resembled a crushed can on all sides is when I finally accepted the fact that my life was spared and protected by some greater power.  We never wore our seat belts...my mother never took road trips...I was 14 and it took me 11 years before I got my drivers license.  People wonder why I drive so reckless, so fast, so furious.  I guess it's my way of looking death in the eye, saying, "Bitch...I ain't neva' scared..."  That fear kept me stagnant for so many years and even though I've gotten over it, there isn't a day that I don't get into the car and contemplate that journey as being my last ride.  But, I continue to drive because I have faith, that each trip won't be my last.  

The love of God is the greatest love affair, especially when we fully understand the nature of God is the nature of love, the nature of faith in love...and not fear.  I wonder when did man become so fearful of love, fearful of self and the possibilities that we could create just based on love and faith...