you say she's just a friend...

I was the teenager who pretended to be sleeping in his bed when his mother came downstairs...
we made sure we were fully clothed and laying on top of the covers just in case...
taking $7 taxicab rides to his house
standing in the circle while he free styled on the block
wore matching gym shoes and airbrushed t-shirts with his name on it
curled up into a ball in pain miscarrying our baby
...my mother thought I was having menstrual cramps...
then a stomach ache...
passed blood clots chewing Tums...
the pain is vivid.
we used to talk on the phone until the Sun came up...listened to the birds chirp
hiding the phone underneath the pillows...whispering...
"If I hang up, I'll call you right back..."

I was the teenager who decided to let him go when I began to grow hips
thighs
breast
when I learned how to wrap my first weave
discovered tight clothing
retired my baggy Cross Colour jeans for "skorts"
became a car booty
drank mad dog 20/20, Boones Farm, St.Ides and finally discovered Hennessey...*cough, eh em...slaps chest*
broke his heart...
"I don't think you should be my boyfriend anymore..."

He was the gangster who remained still...
played his position...
sat quietly in the background
attentive as I talked about the jokers at the strip club
then
being a chosen child of Israel
how God changed my life..
watched each "baby daddy" come and go...
journeyed with me while contemplating spaceships
astrology
the existence of Jesus
then Africa.
15 years later...
watched the tattoo artist bury his name under another tattoo...
how many bricks he moved...
how many keys he had to other chics cribs
how his mother still remembers me
how my mother used to scream on anyone who called the house after 9pm...
and still does...
we laugh...hours go by

i still love you...
you still love me...
and we're cool with that...

you'll never understand the nature of our friendship...
what you call love is minimal
what kinda love won't let him go, won't let him grow...
you equate love with strangulation
wondering why he breathes my air

so no...you have nothing to worry about
and no...he doesn't cheat on you with other women....thinking::at least not with me::
and yes...I would tell you if he was...
and no...he doesn't still see me like that
and no...he doesn't have a problem with you and I being friends...

as long as you really think...you and I...really...are...friends...